One more time, now! lol =]

My new journal is empty_feeling - it's f/o...i miss some of you guys that are on this friends list and not my new one...=[

Add me/and comment & I will add you right back.

<333

Amy

Ok guys...I am officially switching over to empty_feeling - So I won't be using this journal anymore. Add me and I'll add you back!

<3

Amy

Both Tyler and I were scheduled to close tonight...So there was a schedule error. Mike is the closing manager. I left a message for Tyler begging for him to take this close..hopefully no other manager called him during the week and told him he didn't need to work tonight. I REALLY do not want to see Mike tonight..Supposedly I will get written up for calling in on Sunday...The last person I want to be written up by is him. I am afraid that I will kill him. Or do something stupid to be spiteful, like walk out or something. I really do love my job, I just HATE him. Passionately.

Joe is such a dork....I called in earlier this afternoon to ask him if it was me or Tyler closing, and to get Tyler's #...

He said that I was for sure closing...and that Tyler would never trade shifts with me again and that Tyler said he hated me, because on Sunday when my Mom called in, Tyler had asked me if he could take my 5-Close shift, and I would take his 4-Volume...So When I called off, I had had my shift covered, but he hadn't, so he got written up.

Then Joe tells me he was just kidding, and to hold on while he got Tyler's #. He picked the phone back up, gave me his #, and I asked again if he was POSITIVE that I was supposed to close, not Tyler...He was all "Oh, I don't know, you were both scheduled"...Lmao...I was alll...Joooooooeeee....GOD. Haha.

I just talked to Kally.....She was telling me about how the other night she and Vinny and Jake and Andrew went over to Celina and Dave's....I was all like "Why didn't you call me!?" And she said that every time that I had said I would come hang out lately I never ended up coming, etc...which has been true...I have been really depressed and not really wanting to do much but sleep...And then she said that she figured once I decided I wanted to chill I would call...So I feel all bad now..And I haven't talked to Jake much..really at all..until last night at work...

I'm not even really mad at him anymore..I jsut have lost track of time, and forget to call, forget to return calls...etc...

I have a psychologist appt with Micheal (Who I don't really care for) on Thursday at 11AM...not excited...I know I need to see a psychologist and get back on meds again...but Michael is not the one I want to see first...It sucks having my mom and dad both wanting me to see different people...and my mom won't talk to my dad about how I don't want to see Michael, because she thinks he will get mad at her for trying to interfere...This is all too confusing...

35 minutes until I leave for work. I keep telling myself that it will be over with within at least 6 hours, and I will come home, and that will be it. Just stick it out. It makes it even worse that Katie won't be there...pretty sure Jake won't either...or Rob...Or really anyone that I can talk to...and our 12-V host is a new fat ass server that hits on me and makes me feel really uncomfortable...Tonight needs to just be over with now...

Also, I made a new journal...I will start using it soon...I am trying to move away from the whole "Applebee's"  theme...so if I decide to quit/get fired, it won't be as hard....

The new journal is </a></font></b></a>empty_feeling </font> - I will post this again when I start using it - if you want to be added on it, add me, and I'll add you back.

These past couple of days have been horrible. All I have been doing is sleeping and eating.

I have been sleeping since....Saturday night. I just woke up an hour ago. Literally. I have only gotten up to eat or check email, then have gone back to sleep within an hour or 2.

Sunday afternoon I was supposed to work. I had my mom call in for me. Of course, she winds up talking to the GM, who takes it upon himself to tell her that I have been "Making excuses" To not come in to work. He told her that I had said I had to do some modeling up in Boulder (Which was true, but my mom doesn't know about my modeling...yeah...) And that I had to pick my grandparents up at the airport (That wasn't true...but it could have been)

Anyhow, so this is quite embarassing...it looks like I am making all of this shit up...*sigh*..I almost told my mom about the modeling stuff, but I though..that would make things worse than they need to be...

My dad knows too, of course. I want to MURDER Mike (GM)...He is SUCH an asshole...Arrrrrrrggggghhhh.

I am closing tonight.

I have done NO Christmas shopping, whatsoever. No joke. None. 10 days until Christmas...Great.

Kally came to Applebee's on Sat. night and told me about how she had all of her shopping done...she got something for me...and Jake and Andrew...Great...so now I have to get all of them presents...I don't have any money..she said she spent $20-30 on each of her friends...GREAT.

Suicide is all I have been thinking about lately.

My weight is up, according to my scale today, 104.5. Yeah. Wonderful. BUT..I am on my period...I have been waiting for it..I was a tad worried..so I think this weight is from it.

I hope I die. Maybe a truck will hit me on my way to work or something. That would be so nice.